AFTER THE HIGH

Monday morning! And after a wonderful weekend of visiting, driving my new little car on an adventure, experiencing the enthralling creation of a singing community in less than two hours of being together, I am strangely ‘down.’ I have had to ask myself every hour on the hour, “What is going on? Why am I feeling out of sorts?”

Everything seems to fall out of my hands onto the floor or collapse in front of me. The only successful thing I did this morning, in an unexpectedly short amount of time, was water the newly-planted vegetables in the raised beds and new felt containers. Sitting in the sun was the most I could do for one solid hour.

Going through my emails and scrolling Facebook entries took up another hour.

Of the many projects on my kitchen table, I did tackle a tax receipt problem for my mom which has entailed finding the paperwork I sent out last week to attempt, yet again, to get my Power of Attorney in place so I can do her business. This is an ongoing challenge because the POA is 20 years old. If I was to try to get another one signed, I would have to contact Ombudsmen to have them approach her with new papers. This is because she’s in a nursing home with dementia, thus making the accomplishment of her signing anything more than a simple task.

The point to all of this is not to whine about details and challenges. No, the point is, I am trying to answer the question: “What has gotten me into this place of no energy, no continuity with thoughts or trails of paperwork I started last week or last month, and why am I grumpy??

It’s a good thing I’m not in any kind of relationship or I’d be biting their head off. Then I think, maybe that is precisely why I’m in a poor mood. I don’t have anyone to share the wondrous experience of yesterday: the singing, the harmonies, the new meaningful songs based on extraordinary poetry. Maybe, I am missing what happens with companionship: making memories together so that each can help the other keep the magic in place behind the drudge of everyday routine. Sigh! I am beginning to believe that my excuse of not being in relationship with a significant other is a cop out, is irresponsible, and not really the truth. I AM in relationship! With myself! With the Earth! With friends!

So that makes way for another possibility. After a high, I am asking myself, is there a resultant low because the high was so high? The acoustics of the large room bounced sound and harmonies among the fifty or so people who were sharing two hours of their time to open their hearts and mouths for beauty. We gave each other healing by standing together and memorizing words and tunes of songs presented by two masters of direction. We sang of heartbreak and mending chaos. We reminded each other of the importance of open hearts, open minds, compassion, determination. We sang counterpoint and left the doubts and fears of our daily world outside that room for a short time.

Would that I could hold on to those words and tunes forever, but just as they flowed into my brain, because we sang one song after another, those thoughts and rhymes flowed out again. I can’t think of one of them today. I want to hold on to at least one little ditty to repeat and repeat so I can attach myself to a small piece of the joy of yesterday. But, damn, I can’t reconstruct a one of them.

And I want more. Is this what it feels to those who go to one expansive experience after another? The lack and the need of lightness, so much so that they push themselves into the next experience and then the next one? Never knowing how to create the linchpin to ground themselves to the feelings they had during the expansive experience? Is this my trouble today? Wanting more? And not knowing today just how to open to the world the way I did yesterday?

If that’s the real cause of my dumps, then I owe it to the experience and to myself to get up and find what will bring back one small portion of the same level of joy from yesterday. Maybe if I experiment enough with every tiny opportunity I can make, I will eventually fill my day with just as much love and light. Maybe that’s what yesterday’s experience requires of me. I’m supposed to be learning how to regroup, reframe, and rekindle in myself that sense of wonder I forgot I had before yesterday. Worth a try!!!

Are You Feeling It?

In the scheme of things, I believe we each get ‘nudges’ from our muse, angel, our higher consciousness, or you even might call them our guides or our ancestors. I don’t judge how you call the source of that little push that directs you to do something beyond what you usually do or believe you are unable to do. The fact is, we all get them. Some of us don’t sense these nudges. Others of us rely on them for life management.

For instance, Emandal’s choir director, Don Willits, felt a nudge when he decided to attend a fund raiser for the legal fund for those arrested at Standing Rock. He invited each of us to consider donating our time for this event. Many of us joined him. Many of the choir then were also educated regarding what this movement represented: the unity of tribes and indigenous peoples all over the world for their treaty rights, clean water, the health of Mother Earth, and the commitment to make this stand a prayerful one.

One of our group was nudged after the November election results to become more active in government affairs. Her first step was to begin educating herself on the issues. She subscribed to the New York Times Newsletter and then found an article about the inception of the Standing Rock movement.

The article is titled, “The Youth Group that Launched a Movement at Standing Rock” by Saul Elbein, January 31, 2017. It details the work of a 19-year-old who for reasons of her own (and that infamous nudge) decided to help her tribe and especially the suicidal teens on the Cheyenne River Reservation in Eagle Butte, South Dakota. The article gives voice to the many people who responded to their own nudges and stood in prayer for clean water and to block the contamination of the Missouri River by DAPL.

Bear with me now as I tell you a little bit about the only true story (as I was told it) recounted in my new book, The Spirit Bundle. The abbreviated version of this story is of Martin Charger, a Lakota, who in 1862 gave everything he owned to ransom 2 white women and 6 children from the Santee tribe and return them to the army. He was labeled a fool by his own tribe but stood his ground saying he would do anything he could to preserve peace.

I removed this story after the first draft, but, three months before publication of The Spirit Bundle, I was nudged to place it again in the book. I had been concerned I was breaking confidentiality because I had heard it first as a family story. Then I realized the story was on the internet by both the Charger family and by a descendant of one of the women who had been captured and ransomed. The renditions of the details are different, but the basic story is there.

Can you imagine my surprise when I learned that the young woman who followed her own ‘nudge’ to stand for lost youth and Mother Earth was Jasilyn Charger, a direct descendant of Martin Charger, the man whose warrior society of the Dependables was renamed to the Fool Soldiers? Without the actions of either of these people, in the first place, women and children may never have been returned to their families. In the second place, a group of teenagers might not have had the foresight to stand peacefully for the goals of treaty rights, clean water, and Mother Earth.

All the individuals in this round-about telling of mine moved forward because of a calling or a push. I’m proud to have returned the story to its place in The Spirit Bundle and am humbled by the synchronicity. Each of us has the opportunity to follow a ‘nudge’ that might build a web of compassion and community and possibly carry us through these difficult times.

The Birth of a Novel

     It’s almost here! The Spirit Bundle is becoming more of a reality than a dream. What started as part of the Sacred Bundle Series in 2000 will be published by the end of February, 2017. To say the birthing of this novel has been a challenge is more than an understatement.

     Losing patches of hair, eating nervously, crying spontaneously, sleeping only three to four hours a night, and questioning my sanity at wanting to do this in the first place has been my life for the past three months. I loved the process of writing the first draft of The Spirit Bundle (and The Marriage Bundle) and I will love writing the last two, but the readying it for publishing has been more than a challenge.

     My learning curve has now taught me that I need to save my money and invest in people who have experience in what they are doing. I could have hired Book Baby to convert the book, but I didn’t. So my mantra is that experiences are only mistakes if I don’t learn from them. I will learn from this one, believe me.

     In honor of the nearness of a finished-book-in-hand, I thought I’d share here a bit from The Spirit Bundle. As a reminder, you don’t have to have read The Marriage Bundle to understand this second novel of the series. Similar to the first novel, many teachings are channeled to and through the main characters of Flyn, Selena, and Amach. These are specific to each member of this trio and often meaningful messages for our current challenges. Here are a few:

During the year of caring for and honoring his grandfather’s Spirit Bundle and while facing himself in a Vision Quest, Flyn hears many words of wisdom like this:

 “. . . . better that you watch the eyes which are not able to hold themselves in place when they are clutching a lie. Have compassion. All people are learning. Look and listen always. Follow the eyes to find truth and love.”

     Selena hears her own set of wise words either when she contacts Amach through automatic writing or in her head. When she is emotionally overwrought about everyone missing her 60th birthday, including herself, Amach guides her:

      “Just write this down. Any day can be a day to honor yourself. Any moment can be a moment to love yourself for your beingness. Any one body can be celebrated for its uniqueness and miraculous existence. A birthday is simply a mark in time that can remind you to do it yearly.”

     When Selena is sick with a cold, she is told about the benefits of knowing the healing herbs in her surroundings: 

     “Every ecosystem has a constellation of helpful herbs that are related to those in other ecosystems. Whether in mountains or deserts, jungles or marshes,  plants offer themselves to the needs of their surroundings. Animals know this. It is the wise one who watches the animals so they can search the areas of and around their homes for the strain of herb that will heal or cleanse wounds, stop bleedings, soothe stomachs, and more.”

       Amach, living in her distant world, is given insights into how to save her tribe from disaster under the self-proclaimed leadership of Tobar.  

      “You may be hurt physically, but only you can allow your spirit to be hurt. No one can hold power over you, and only you can give it away to them. There is only one power, and that is with the Creator who is in every one of us. It is time for each person to know their unique connection to that power and their place on the web of life.”

      Currently, pre-publication sales are available. Shipping is on me as a bonus. You will also receive a free downloadable copy of “Just For Today,” which is a short story about the Five Reiki Precepts with a Native American flavor. The Spirit Bundle will be available through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Target stores (and many more) as well as through Book Baby’s special on-line store at BookShop.com. You will also be able to purchase your copy through my website, www.standinginbalance.com, and from me personally out of the back of my car.

         Pre-published (or pre-release) ordering of your copy through my web site now helps me know how many copies to have on hand.

            Thanks so much for your interest and your support.

            (PS  My tunny is tickling!)