Oooops

My mask slipped. You know, the one that has ‘dependable’ and ‘calm’ and ‘controlled’ written on a placard, dangling from chains, underneath it?

I looked in the mirror of self-revelation and saw behind it another face, creased with rage. Eyes glared red, and, if steam could have come through my nose, it would have joined the spitting words spewing from my mouth like dragon’s fire. All because of a $19 tube of prescription-strength fluoride toothpaste that the skinny little hygienist, who I will name Carol, handed my 91 year old mother with the additional words, “Now just do like I told you, and I’ll see you in six months.”

Of course, the toothpaste was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. That stupid tube was part of the whole scene about a very young woman not taking the time to gauge my mother’s mental capacity. This whipper snapper, if she had bothered to assess my mother, would have known that Mom had no memory of what it was she was now supposed to do differently than she had been doing. Carol would have realized that these instructions needed to be given to a care giver who would reinforce the changes in tooth brushing.
The charge for the 45 minute fiasco (well, my mom at least got her teeth cleaned) was $212. I get more done for $55 at my local dental clinic. I was horrified, and the sight of the charge for the toothpaste took me over the edge. So far, in fact, that I don’t know what I said to the hygienist after I’d dragged her into a private office. It must have been a piece of my mind, because I can’t quite find it now. I know I was out of balance. I have no excuse.

Huffing and puffing, I helped my mom into the car and drove back to her nest in Assisted Living at the Retirement Home. When she was settled, with no memory of having been embarrassed by her daughter’s tirade, I excused myself into her wheelchair accessible bathroom.

The mask of rage I had worn washed away with silent tears of anguish at having the very capable woman, who was once my mother, replaced by this shy and endearing female of 91, who needed protection from inconsiderate and unknowing providers of health care. My mother is now my daughter, and I am being called upon to care for her with the same awareness as she cared for me. I can only hope I am up for the task, no matter what mask I am wearing.