Alright you all-powerfulness-who-is-all-around-me-and-within-me-and-all-things! What’s with this grief thing?
I can’t get around it or over it or under it, and I don’t want to stand facing it for the rest of my life. If it’s true the only way is through it, OK, I did that! After five months of it, I should be done! Right?
What’s with this new set of tears? What’s with my becoming a puddle over the broken vacuum cleaner? I’m so touchy these days. My moods shift faster than a prairie fire.
Sometimes, I feel like my upper body is disconnected from my lower body. They even seem to go in different directions at the same time. When one has pain and the other doesn’t, that’s when I feel all mixed up inside. When they both have pain together, I get overwhelmed.
I’m an intelligent woman. I should be able to control myself. Right? Wrong! No control over anything, not even my own reactions. My life is without direction except for what’s right in front of me and, sometimes, I don’t even see what that is. “Seek the balance” is good advice to myself. I’m going to watch movies now and stop pretending I have any idea what that phrase means nor how to survive this mess.
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