Where Do Babies Come From?

If you've ever had small children, you remember when this question came up. Traditionally its usually asked in public. My daughter presented this question in a check-out line in Longs when she was five years old. Everyone snickered and waited for my answer. I wanted to say Cincinnati to get a laugh but decided to play it straight and answered “from its mommie's belly”, then quickly added the question, “Do you want gum or candy?” to divert her attention.

The question is more philosophical to me now. I know where the physical and genetically inbred body of my new granddaughter came from and how.

But looking into the wisdom of her deep brown eyes, I wonder at the spirit learning to live there. Where did that knowingness come from? What could she tell me if she had the words to speak? What is she trying to convey to me that I'm even intuitively unable to comprehend?

These are no real answers, only the wonder of her small, perfect hands and feet, the miracle of her sweet breath, the softness of the top of her ears and her skin.

I can only glory in the innocent presence of Bella Spencer in my life and be grateful for the chance to see her grow.

Co-Creating

So what do I do when I feel my hands are tied? Meaning I can't do anything about anything? It's been the toughest scenario to accept. Surely I can make something happen the way I want it to if I work hard enough, pray harder. I always think I can take away misery with enough compassion. I can get a person who is like an immovable object to levitate, a little. Certainly I should be able to change the course of tragedy, bring smiles to everyone's face, make their lives a little lighter, just by my presence. At least, that seems to have been my plan for a very long time.

What is occurring to me is best stated with the curious slang word, “Fooey!” It seems to me to be a contraction of FOOL ME! That's what I've decided I've been doing: Fooling Myself.

Granted, I might have some impact on a person or persons around me. I can give temporary relief from a gray mood or a disappointed attitude. The best thing I think I can do at this time is pray to help me leave my friends to their own pace.

I heard a phrase once; “Love means you have no expectation of your friends' emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual development. That's it. No expectations. I've had the hardest time with this until I began letting go of my expectations, druthers, judgments and began going with the flow. This doesn't mean I 'don't stay conscious of my responses and responsibilities. “Hanging out” doesn't mean relinquishing self-respect, integrity, and personal boundaries. It does mean being open to possibilities and deciding to relinquish control by letting others have a say in what they want to do – or eat – or watch – or play.

When I can do this, I'm always amazed at what I learn, what new music or thoughts I hear, what different foods I get to eat. It's enlivening, like climbing out of a rut and looking at possibilities as endless as the horizon in Montana. Life actually gets creative, and I benefit so much for having let go of the rudder of the life boat. It's like co-creating the day's experiences, and I feel blessed. My hands are no longer tied over any issue. I don't have to push my agenda, and, what do you know, but my going with the flow seems to help others feel empowered, brings smiles to their faces. We have a shared relationship.

Instead of FOOEY, life becomes WHAHOOEY!

My Biggest Current Challenge

My biggest most recent challenge is learning to keep my mouth shut.

I've had opinions about everything ever since I started talking. I remember having answers for everyone's problems in school. In fact, if I didn't get asked my advice by at least one person a day, I felt crushed in high school. The same held true in junior college and nursing school. As a young married woman in Denver, our circle of friends were those who seemed to need my helpful hints. In Germany too! Why, I was always dishing out my thoughts on marriage, motherhood, and military life.

As a divorcee and working single mom, I dispensed even more words of wisdom and made it my business to offer my opinion to co-workers and etceteras.

I even built a personal practice on giving advice to my clients on wellness, particularly theirs . . . that is . . . until recently.

The last few years have seen me begin a shift to helping clients answer their own questions about what might make them happy and healthy. I've had an epiphany of sorts. I've been so busy minding everyone else's business that I realized I hadn't been paying attention to my own. Now much of my advice to the love lorn or those with other problems comes in the form of sensing when they've found an answer that resonates in their bodies. I can validate their feelings and dreams. I'm proud I've been able to make this change with my clients.

Then there are the current questions friends are asking. I'm trying not to tackle these decisions about job opportunities or choice of husbands. I'm allowing my ready answers to stutter into nothingness while I offer back only encouragement. It's also become imperative I stay out of my grown children's lives, whether my heart breaks because I would like them to consider options they refuse to see or I want to warn them about potential dangers or failures.

I'm trying to keep my mouth shut, but I'm not being as successful as I want to be. I need to find the place of balance where my mouth remains in a gentle smile, while prayers filter through the chambers of my mind and heart with hope that the consequences of their actions will be things they and I can handle.