When I received the call from Harry Charger last November that he wanted to honor Y at “Healing the Earth” Sundance, I didn’t give a second thought to saying, “OK, I’ll be there.”
From there, I figured blithely, in my head, “Why not head up to the Manitoba Sundance too?”
And so a plan was formed, a focus created, and I worked toward the goal of making things for two giveaways, plus gathering what I might need for a road trip and two sessions of camping. I don’t know what I was thinking!!!
In fact, I might not have been thinking at all, especially when the invitation came in the mail for the wedding of Shamla, Y’s niece. That was scheduled for the weekend between the two Sundances, and of course, I again, without batting an eyelash, sent in my RSVP. I called my sister-in-law to see if I could stay with them for the weekend and drive the two hours to and from the wedding. I was even more pleased to learn Kate was having a small family reunion to introduce her daughter Sara’s new husband and his daughter to everyone. “Wonderful,” I thought. “What a perfect way to connect with friends and family.”
It wasn’t until the hour before I got in the car and left on this trip that I realized how massive a challenge I had set before me. “Who in the world thought this was a good idea?” I asked as I stomped around the stuffed car the morning I had to leave. I couldn’t get into the car. I hadn’t been on a road trip by myself since 1968 when I drove from California to Colorado to meet my first husband at his new duty station. That time I’d been snowed in for three days at Rawlins, Wyoming. What was going to happen this time?
After crying, hollering, and calling a long time friend, I finally managed to get myself into the car and pull out of the driveway. My only recourse was to keep the overview in mind and make a decision as each was needed.
The first day saw me dealing with a flat tire. That’s another story.
The second day had me driving over part of a truck tire which dislodged something under my car.
The third day I got my first ticket ever. I was only going 52 mph in a 40 mph construction zone, but it was Wyoming. I had to pull off the freeway to sob and stomp around the car again.
Finally on my way, I asked the powers that be, “What am I suppose to be learning here? What are you trying to tell me?”
A sign passed me on the right. “Pay Attention or Pay the Price”
That’s when I realized there was more to this trip than my going where Y was to be honored. It was more than my ‘bringing’ giveaway items to say thank you to everyone who had prayed for us and been a part of our lives for all our years on the Sundance trail.
I was on a quest of my own. It hadn’t occurred to me!!! I had to make this trip to touch more of those who had been so much a part of our lives and in some cases, say goodbye. I needed to be with people who had their own memories of him and us and the way we had lived. I needed to pray in ceremony and ask for help. And I definitely needed the reminder to pay attention to all the thoughts in my head, the offerings from nature, as well as the short, personal contacts I would make on the road. Everything that had happened, was happening, and was going to happen was to give me messages and ideas of what I am to do next.
I’m on my way home now. Shared tears and laughter have helped to mend this woman’s broken heart. I’ve found strengths I didn’t know I had. I’ve been lectured and pampered. I’ve been hugged and pinched. It’s been a trip I thought was going to bring closure and instead has helped me make a new beginning.
